


A.M

by ronans



Series: Shameless Soulmates [3]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:43:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2603969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronans/pseuds/ronans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lip's never been fond of the whole soulmate thing and he's definitely not afraid to say it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A.M

It’s not the first time Lip’s found himself staring at the ceiling of his room. There’s something bugging him but he can’t place what it is. He’s never been good at _not_ being able to tackle a problem so it’s pissing him off more than it should.

‘You know Karen’s what’s been making you unhappy, right?’

Lip lets out a long sigh and then groans into his hands. ‘Can you shut up about Karen for five fucking minutes? Or is that too difficult?’ He slaps his hands back onto the mattress and it’s a little satisfying when A jumps.

‘I’m just _trying_ to look out for you.’

’Yeah, well, what _I’m_ sensing is that you’re jealous,’ Lip says with an irritated tone. A scowls at him and he can see how hurt she is, but he gets up anyway, picking up a pack of Marlboros and a lighter from the side table. ‘I’m goin’ for a smoke, don’t bother following me.’

A purses her lips and glances away from him, picking at a loose thread on her frayed jeans without answering him. As Lip leaves the room, he rolls his eyes.

‘Ay, yo, I’m goin’ for a walk, you wanna come with?’ he asks, knocking on the door to Ian’s room. His brother’s head snaps up, mouth open mid-sentence. Talking to his soulmate. Of course. Lip’s just about fucking done with this soulmate bullshit.

‘Oh, I-‘

‘Hey, don’t worry about it, I, uh, retract my offer.’ Lip waves his hand dismissively and then vigorously ruffles it through his hair as he stomps down the stairs. He roughly pulls on his jacket and toes on his shoes before darting out of the front door and down the steps. He slows down once he’s far enough away from the house and watches as his breath comes out in clouds.

The cold air doesn’t clear his mind like he’d hoped, and he ends up thinking about his situation more deeply. Lip’s hands shake as he lights up his cigarette and inhales.

He wants freedom, he wants to be able to fuck who he likes without A there all the time reminding him of who he _belongs_ to. He’s never been the kind of guy who wants to settle down. It’s ridiculous for the universe to think that everyone just automatically wants to live to find the person they’re going to spend the rest of their existence with. He just doesn’t believe in it and he definitely doesn’t want to have that level of commitment and responsibility sat on his shoulders like it’s a burden.

In a way, he’s sad he feels the way he does. He feels sorry for whoever A.M is, that She got saddled with him and his outlook. Fiercely, he throws the cigarette butt to the ground and breathes in sharply through his teeth.

Really, he’d known it was an impossible request, but it fucking irritates him when he feels that she’s tailing him. He can’t take the silence so he makes a beeline towards a wall up ahead.

‘Thought I told you not to come,’ Lip mutters, sniffing as he sits down on the crumbling brick. He knows she’s taken a seat next to him.

‘I… I’m sorry. I can’t-‘

‘Nah, I get it, it’s okay.’ He turns his head to his right and smiles weakly at her. She gingerly hovers her fingertips over his hand, his skin red from the cold. Something in his chest lurches at the gesture. ‘I’ve… I’ve been a dick to you.’

‘Yeah, you kinda have,’ she agrees with a private smile, looking down. A’s dark hair falls in her face, shrouding it.

‘I’m sorry it’s just… hard for me… to take.’ Lip squints at the contact between their hands that he can’t feel. ‘Never really wanted this type of…’

‘Connection? Yeah, Lip, I figured.’

He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and looks up at the sky. ‘You understand.’

‘Of course I do. I know you, you just don’t wanna admit it,’ she chuckles quietly, a sadness in her voice.

‘Guess we’ll see what I do when this shit show gets on the road. Apparently it fucking kills if you’re attached to…’ He gestures to her vaguely.

‘You won’t have me when you meet Her.’

He frowns and looks at the top of her head. He can’t see her face but there’s no mistaking the emptiness of her tone. Lip sighs and scratches the back of his neck, resting his head on top of where her’s should be.

*

Sometimes A will hover just out of Lip’s sight but he’s not an idiot, he knows what she’s doing. He feels hopeless when he can’t think of how to comfort her when she sits down on the other side of his door silently sobbing. He hasn’t asked her what’s wrong, mostly because he’s scared about letting her in, and also because he really doesn’t want to even try to think about how complex the whole soulmate idea actually is. He blocks it out because he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t want to think about the actual person who’s experiencing that same despair that he’s supposed to _love_. He’s eighteen, he doesn’t need to deal with this bullshit.

‘I think something bad happened,’ she says one day and it’s the first time either of them mention it. ‘Really bad.’

‘With my-‘ he cuts himself off, pressing his lips together. _Soulmate_. A picks up on what’s unsaid and nods her confirmation. ‘What do you want me to do about it?’

A squints and draws her eyebrows together and Lip suddenly notices the dried blood around her split mouth. ‘I feel fucking sorry for whoever She is. I really do.’

There’s something like self-hatred pooling in his gut. ‘So do I.’

A’s answering smile is bitter and accompanies a head shake as she goes to stand on the other side of the door again, out of sight.

*

He meets _A_ manda at College but he knows the second he sees her that she’s not _Her_. Her eyes aren’t blue, her hair isn’t dark enough, her cheekbones aren’t right and she wears glasses. But he fucks her and starts up something close to a relationship because she doesn’t care about soulmates either. There’s a horrible feeling always surrounding him now, though. He thinks it’s got something to do with how crushed A looks every second he’s with Amanda.

For a long time he puts up with it before the guilt and pain overpowers any semblance of pleasure he’d felt around Amanda and breaks it off. A barely changes, seems even more resigned, but at least she’s not hurting so much.

*

‘Hey, Lip,’ Ian murmurs as he comes in through the kitchen door.

Lip glances up from the thick College text book he’s got laid out on the counter. ‘Hey…’ It doesn’t slip his notice that his brother’s got this huge goofy grin and a _glow_ surrounding him, almost. ‘You, uh, got somethin’ you wanna share?’

Ian positively beams, sliding his beanie off his head and bunching it up in his hands, like he can’t inwardly contain his emotions. ‘I met _Him_.’

‘No shit, really?’ At least his happiness for his brother’s real. The corners of his mouth turn up and he contemplates that maybe whole meeting your soulmate thing’s not such a bad idea.

‘We went on a date. Figured it wasn’t his kinda thing but… he did it for _me_ …’ Ian trails off, a dreamy look on his face. Lip ducks his head, looking back at the text book and smiling to himself.

‘That’s sweet. So… you like him?’

Ian furrows his brows and cocks his head. ‘Lip, Mickey’s my soulmate, of course I like him, what kind of a stupid question is that?’

Lip narrows his eyes suspiciously and snaps his book shut, walking around the counter to lean on the other side. He can see A out of the corner of his eye pulling at her shirt sleeves. ‘Mickey who?’

‘…Milkovich,’ Ian mutters, knowing exactly where the conversation was going.

‘Holy fuck, Mickey Milkovich is _gay_?! The _son_ of Terr-‘

‘Yes! Jesus, yes, okay? He is, he explained everything to me and how he’s nothing like his dad.’

‘How do you know he’s not playin’ some evil fucking trick on you, huh?’

Ian’s expression turns disbelieving and yeah, sure, Lip feels a little idiotic but _Mickey Milkovich_?!

‘Are you serious right now? I’ve been looking at his fucking face for the past seventeen years, Lip! And when I _saw_ him, really saw him, there’s _no way_ he could’ve faked that… I thought you’d at least be happy for me.’

Lip rolls his eyes. ‘You know how I feel about this soulmate crap.’ A flinches slightly and turns away with an expression of someone who’s come to expect Lip’s shitty behaviour over and over again yet still gets hurt. ‘But yeah, I suppose I’m happy for you.’

Ian purses his lips and nods sarcastically. ‘Well when Fiona gets home, can you send her up? I’d like to talk to someone who actually cares.’

‘Ian- Hey, Ian!’ Lip calls as Ian rushes up the stairs, furious. He lets out a long sigh and collapses back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

‘Nicely played, you really make people feel important, Lip.’

‘Stop it,’ he warns. A grits her teeth but stands her ground.

‘No, you know what? You’re being a selfish asshole, this all doesn’t affect just you so pipe the fuck down and deal with it,’ she forces out, getting closer and closer to him. Lip whips around and throws his hands in the air.

‘I didn’t ask for this! I never fucking asked to be responsible for someone else’s happiness!’

‘Suck it up, because guess what? You don’t have a fucking choice! And you don’t know what’s gonna happen when you meet Her! Maybe She’ll be nothing like me!’

‘It’s not _you_ that’s the problem,’ Lip grinds out, starting out loudly but by the end of the sentence he’s whispering. A closes her mouth and scans Lip’s face.

‘Okay. I believe you,’ she says finally, a lot quieter. ‘I know you don’t like the concept, but you’ve got to see that you don’t have a choice with this. Unless you hide in the van in your garden for the rest of your life, I can’t see how you’re avoiding this.’

Lip gives her a small smile, waits a moment, and then brushes past her. They’d have physically touched if it were possible.

*

‘Ian, when are they getting here?’ Fiona calls as she puts the plates down on the table. Lip bites the inside of his cheek as he stirs the pasta sauce, glaring at his sister’s back. He really isn’t looking forward to meeting Ian’s soulmate properly; the last time he’d seen Mickey Milkovich, he’d shoved a pole in Lip’s stomach for purposefully fucking up the English paper he’d written for him.

‘Mickey said he’d come at like seven so… still got about ten minutes.’

‘Ugh! I can’t wait for that long!’ Fiona groans, grinning and squeezing Ian’s arm. Lip scoffs and shakes his head. Before Ian had told her the situation, one of Fiona’s small list of rules was to _never go near the Milkovich house_ and suddenly she’s acting like Mickey’s the greatest guy in the world? She’s practically brimming with excitement and Lip just doesn’t get it. He’s happy for Ian, sure, it’s great for _Ian_ , but Lip doesn’t have to pretend he’s accepting of what the universe decided was the perfect match for his sibling.

‘Maybe he’s changed?’ A suggests, reaching out to rub Lip’s back before retracting her hand when she remembers she can’t.

‘Doubtful,’ Lip breathes out before mixing the pasta up with the sauce and turning the gas off. Debbie enters the room then with Liam on her back giggling. ‘Hey, buddy,’ Lip says with a smile, kissing the top of his head.

‘Everything has to be perfect, okay?’ Debbie rushes out, plopping Liam down on a chair and swivelling back around to glare at Lip specifically.

‘Come on, Debs, it’s not like I’m gonna ruin this for Ian, alright, I’m not that big of a dick.’

‘Debatable,’ Ian mumbles as he passes Lip. He exhales with annoyance and then decides to give up and sit at the table until Mickey and his sister arrive. His siblings bustle around him and anyone’d think someone _actually important_ was coming over.

‘Fucking re _lax_ , moron,’ A mutters as there’s a knock on the front door. Ian’s quick to answer and there’s some murmuring and the sound of kissing before Mickey eventually comes into view. Lip feels he should at least get up and so he does with A smiling encouragingly at him.

Mickey looks cautious upon being released from a hug by Fiona but his stare hardens when it lands on Lip, remembering their last encounter. ‘Hey.’

Lip waves at Mickey with a smug smile. ‘Hey yourself. I-‘ Lip’s just about to take the piss out of how Mickey’s actually dressed up to meet the fucking _Gallaghers_ when Mickey interrupts him and jabs his thumb over his shoulder, probably wanting to get the whole introduction stage over more quickly.

‘That’s my sister, Mandy.’

Lip’s gaze trails to the girl standing behind him.

‘ _Shit_!’ It feels like someone’s punched him in the gut and taken everything away from him at once. The pain feels good, though, in a way.

**Author's Note:**

> So I made Mandy's full name Amanda because I didn't want to have 2 fics called M.M  
> I'm sorry I made Lip such a dick, it just came out but I hope this was worth the wait?? Maybe??  
> I'm very tired so I might read through it again and change stuff I dunno... Possibly


End file.
